Korttidsminne

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Legene påstår at man får dårligere korttidsminne av å drikke alkohol.

Snart påstår de vel at man får dårligere korttidsminne av å drikke alkohol også.

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Derive

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Alcohol and calculus don't mix

Never drink and derive

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Things to think about

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If you rip a hole in a net - there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before

Many animals probably needs glases - but nobody knows

If you replace "W" with "T" in What, Where and When, you get the answer to each of them.

The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 - probably died before him

Your future self is watching right now throug memories

100 years ago everybody owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone have cars and only the rich have horses.

Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper and scissors is just as hard as trying to win

The word swims upside down is still swims

Every time you clean something - you just make something else dirty

Maybe oxygen slowly kills you - it just takes 75-100 years to fully work

Why is the letter w called double u - when it should be called double v

Do twins ever realise that one of them is unplanned

Which letter is silent in scent - the s or the c

If poison is past its expiry date is it more poisionous or is it no longer poisionous

What if my dog only brings back the ball because he thinks I like throwing it

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Hevn

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Før du legger ut på hevntokt - grav to graver

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George Santayana (1905)

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De som ikke kan huske historien - er dømt til å gjenta den

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Liam Neeson

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Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneiness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

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Speed of sound

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When asked what was the speed of sound, Albert Einstein said:

I do not carry such information in my mind since it is readily available in books. The value of a college education is not the cramming of many facts but the training of the mind to think.

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James Randi

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No amount of belief makes something a fact

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Traffic up and down

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The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers

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Brad Pitt - Fight club

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Working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need

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Cliff Pollard

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If you improve yourself by 1% every day for a year, at the end of the year you will have improved 365%

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Intelligence

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You must always be willing to truly consider evidence that contradicts your beliefs, and admit the possibility thta you may be wrong.

Intelligence isn't knowing everything. It's the ability to challenge evrything you know.

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Mark Twain

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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.

It's what you know for sure that ain't just so.

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Nelson Mandela

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A winner is a dreamer who never gives up

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Takk for mat (sang)

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Melodi: Gøy på landet

Hvis alle er blitt god og mett
Vi sier velbekomme
Så vil vi røre på oss litt
Menyen er nå omme
Vi takker alle for god mat
Den samkte oss så herlig
om "linjen" måtte lide litt
Så var det ei besværlig
Takk for maten, Velbekomme
Også vandrer vi fra bord
Velbekomme, velbekomme
Synger alle vi kor.

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Velkommen til bordet (sang)

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Melodi: Napoleon med sin hær

 

Vi ønsker alle sammen
velkommen til vår fest
Og sangen den skal være
til ære for hver gjest
Og nå må alle gjøre
sitt beste - så humøret
kan fylle oss med stemning
Velkommen hit til fest

Så vil vi gjerne takke
hver enkelt at du kom
så intet gikk på skakke
og ingen plass ble tom
Velkommen her til bordet
velkommen små og store
Her er det plass til alle
og her er hjerterom

Ja, vær så god - forsyn dere
kjære, bare spis - 
og gjør deg godt av maten
på ekte nordmannsvis
Så åpner vi for festen
for spill og sang og resten
Vær hjertelig velkommen
og vær så god å spis!

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Great service at the gate

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An award should go to the Ansett Airlines gate attendant in Sydney for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Ansett flight was cancelled after Ansett's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a longline  of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS." The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out. " The passenger was unimpressed.

He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,  "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public  address microphone:

"May I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man  glared at the Ansett attendant, gritted his teeth and said "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too".

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Seats for FA Cup final

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 A man with tickets to the FA Cup FINAL finds his seat and relaxes.

 As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in  the seat next to him. "No", he says. "The seat is empty."

 "This is incredible," says the stranger. "Who in their right mind  would have a seat like this for the FA Cup FINAL and not use it?"

 "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come  with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Cup FINAL  we haven't been to together since we got married in 1947."

 The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's  terrible.

Couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or  even a neighbour to take the seat?"

 "no" replies the man "they're all at the funeral!"

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Hvorfor ikke la være

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Uansett hva du ikke gjør vil noen kritisere det.

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Nyt livet

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Vi anstrenger oss mer for å hjelpe folk til å oppnå en høy alder, enn for å hjelpe dem til å nyte den.

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Paul Harvey

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I tider som dette er det nyttig å huske at det alltid har vært tider som dette.

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Types of people

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There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

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Dalai Lama

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  • When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you might learn something new.
  • Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
  • Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.
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Brendan Shanahan

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Hockey players need to have the strength and power of a football player, the stamina of a marathon runner, and the concentration of a brain surgeon. They need to put all this together while moving at high speeds on a cold and slippery surface standing on blades 1/8 of an inch thick while 5 other guys use clubs to try and kill. 

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It's your life

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Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else's bed. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swin in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn't make you happy. Grow.

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Kuan Tzu

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  • Hvis du gir en mann en fisk så får han et måltid, men hvis du lærer en mann å fiske så kan han spise hele livet.
  • De som har kunnskap, kan ikke spå. De som kan spå, har ikke kunnskap.
  • En god leder inspirerer folk til å ha tillit til lederen, en fantastisk leder inspirerer folk til å ha tillit til seg selv.
  • En leder er best når folk knapt vet at han eksisterer, når hans arbeid er gjort, hans mål oppfylt, vil de si: Vi gjorde det selv.
  • For å lede folk, gå bak dem.
  • En reise på tusen mil begynner med et skritt.
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Humans and love

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There is story about the greek gods.

They were bored so they invented human beings,

but they were still bored so they invented love.

Then they wernt bored any longer.

So they decided to try love for themselves.

And finally they invented laughter.... so they could stand it...

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Mark Twain

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The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.

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Martin Luther King Jr

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  • Darkness cannot drive out darkness - Only light can do that.
  • Hate cannot drive out hate - only love can do that.
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Edmund Burke

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The only thing neccessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

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Den siste Istiden

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Begynnelsen på slutten av den siste istiden var for 18-20000 år siden (dvs 16-18000 f.Kr).

Isen dekket hele det som idag er skandinavia, nordsjøen, Storbritania og Irland. Iskanten gikk i sør ved det som i dag er Belgia tvers over nord-europa og Russland. 

For 10-11000 år siden hadde isen smeltet tilbake og ble værende i en lengre periode. Isen dekket da stort sett hele Norge, Sverige og Finland. Det som idag er Norges kyst var akkurat ved iskanten men ikke slik at havet gikk helt til isen - det var en landstripe helt nord og rundt til Kola halvøyen. Det som idag er Storbritania, Irland og Danmark var sør for iskanten men et sammenhengende landområde. Det var en kystlinje mot havet som gikk omtrent fra dagens Newcastle tvers over til vestlandet ved Stad. Dette fordi landet reiste seg etter at isen hadde trukket seg tilbake. Dagens Østersjø var på dette tidspunkt en (inn)sjø.

For 8800-9000 år siden var det nesten ikke is igjen etter den siste istiden - kun noen i dagens nord-Sverige langs Østersjøen. Landområdene Irland, Storbritania, Danmark var fremdeles knyttet sammen, og nordsjøens sjøkant gikk fra midtre England til sørlige Norge. Dette skjedde da ettersom havet steg i tiden etter at isen trakk seg tilbake.

For 7000 år siden er isen helt smeltet og klimaet er varmere i norden og Europa enn det er i dag. De Britiske øyer er da blitt øyer ettersom havet har steget ytterligere, og den engelske kanal finnes. Østersjøen har enda ikke åpning mot Nordsjøen, og Danmark og Sør-Sverige henger fortsatt sammen. Norges kyst er omtrent slik den er idag, mens kysten ved dagens Nederland og Belgia gikk lenger nord enn i dag.

De isbreer vi har i Norge og Skandinavia idag er ikke rester av den siste istid, ettersom alt is har blitt smeltet i perioder som har hatt vesentlig høyere temperaturer enn vi har idag. De isbreer vi har i Norge er resultat av kjølige perioder etter den siste istid.

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Funeral Blues by W. H. Auden

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Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves, 
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.


This is the poem used by Matthew (John Hannah) in Four weddings and a funeral when he speaks at the funeral of his gay friend Gareth (Simon Callow). Agreat movie and a great poem for someone missed dearly.

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Perspektiv

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Noen mennesker klager over at roser har torner, andre gleder seg over at tornene har roser.

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Evelyn Waugh

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He was not a good looser, but he was an experienced one.

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På dypt vann

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Når man er ute på dypt vann er det lurt å holde munnen lukket.

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AkkuratD

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At the end of the game the king and the pawn ends up in the same box.

 

I might hate you more, but I'll never love you less 

 

Work hard and save your money so that when you are old you will be able to buy all the things only the young can enjoy.

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The race

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race01 Once upon a time there was a Red rowing team.   This Red team agreed to hold an annual rowing race with a Green team. Each team would contain 8 men. Both teams worked really hard to get in the best shape. On the day of the first race, both teams were ready to win. race03 The Green team won by 1 mile!

race04

The Red team was crushed in their defeat, but they were determined to win the race next year. So they established a panel of auditors to observe the situation and ascertain if there were any differences between the teams. After several weeks of detailed intelligence gathering, the auditors could find only one difference; the Green team had 7 rowers and 1 captain...   race05 … and the Red team had 7 captains and 1 rower! race06 Un-perplexed by the raw data, upper management showed unexpected wisdom: they hired a consulting company to analyze the data and suggest a solution that would enable the Red team to win next year. After several months the consultants came to  the conclusion that the ratio of captains to rowers was the problem in the Red team. Based on this analysis a solution was proposed: the structure of the Red team has to be changed! Like sharks getting the scent of reorganization blood, upper management wasted no time in restructuring the Red team into 4 Captains, led by 2 Managers, reporting to 1 Senior Director with a dotted line to the rower. Besides that, in a blaze of unrestricted inspiration, they suggested they might be inclined to improve the rower’s working environment by a non-monetary reward and recognition scheme if there was improved performance by the rower. race07race08 The next year, the Green team won by 2 miles....... race09 The Red team upper management immediately fired the rower  based on his unsatisfactory performance.

race10  

A bonus was paid to the Captains, Directors, and Managers for the strong leadership and motivation they showed during the preparation phase and as an incentive for them to find a better rower for the next race. The consulting company prepared a new analysis of the restructuring activity, which showed that the strategy was good, the motivation was great, the restructuring was executed correctly, but the tool used (which was not included in the original data) was sub-standard and had to be improved. Currently the Red team management is having a new boat designed; and to demostrate fiscal and HR dexterity for stockholders they also contracted a placement agency to advertise in other countries for a new (temporary, non-direct employee) rower. 

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Scientific formula for making more money

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Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power
Postulate 2: Time is Money

As every engineer knows, Work = Power*Time

Since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money, we have: Work = Knowledge*Money

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work/Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.

Conclusion: The less you Know, the more you Make!

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